I can't be with you, but I can dream

I wish things were different with us
I wish that we could start all over
And I would tell you what I felt
And hopefully, you would feel the same way
And we both wouldn’t be here, like fools, wondering what the other thinks
And feels
Deep in our hearts.

But time has gone by flying right by us like those birds that come out after the rain and sweep right near our feet
Time has gone wasted
Because if you would’ve told me how you really felt before, we would’ve been together
And I would’ve been the happiest girl
I can assure you that
Because I would’ve responded the same way
I wish I would’ve just told you the truth
That when I first met you, I couldn’t get you out of my mind
And I would constantly wonder what you were doing at that moment
And I would wonder if you were thinking about me too
I was so happy that sometimes all I felt like doing was close my eyes and smile picturing your face on my mind
And there were times where I would stay up late thinking about you
And only you
Nothing else
But the conversations we had and how you are perfect for me
And I would think that there was no one that I wanted to be with, than with you
And later, I would dream of you
And I would wake up smiling and my first thought would be you
And it’s silly, but I would wonder if you’ve ever dreamed about me too.

This would repeat the summer when I met you
But then faded during the colder months of the year
But now, I feel like it’s all coming back
These feelings
That I kind of don’t want them to be there
I’m falling for you all over again
And maybe you are too
I don’t know
And you don’t know
We’re both left wondering
As things start to seem a bit different with us
More awkward and more cautious like you are trying to hide something from me
Like you don’t want me to know what you feel deep inside
Almost like we are starting all over
But are we really?
What do you feel for me?
I won’t ask
And you won’t tell me
So I’ll try to find the answers I’ve been wondering about in your black words and your black eyes.

After all this time, you’ve managed to leave me confused
And left your secret, what it is still a secret
I guess I also left you wondering what, why, or how
I left you with more questions than answers
And I wasn’t giving you any answers
But I thought that I knew better
I thought that I can somehow find a clue to your mystery
And know your secret
But I still ask myself questions
Still, not knowing the answer
And wanting to more than before
Because it’s almost the end
And I think it’s about time that I know
And I’m starting to get a clue
I found it today, the secret trying to remain hidden in the depths of your eyes
But darling, know that your eyes gave you away
I think I might know.

Sometimes when I find it hard to sleep,
(like right now)
I think about you
And I think if I ever truly meant something to you
Anything
I don’t know
I never asked
How could I ask
I wish there was a way to find out
But I do know one thing: that you have thought about me countless times
And that showed that you still care
When you decided to come back out of the blue and start keeping me up late at night

Since then, I’ve been thinking about you and dreaming about you on those nights when you wouldn’t leave my mind.

How do you know when you’re in love?
Does something have to happen for you to realize that you are?
I don’t know
Maybe I might’ve been before
But then again, what do I know
I’ve never felt this before
And I probably don’t even know what falling in love really means.

But I did try finding out
Somewhere in your eyes
The way they twinkle in the dim light
Somewhere in your smile
One of the most beautiful smiles I’ve seen
I tried to find an answer to my question of “how do I know if I’m in love?”

I think I might’ve found it last night
When I saw you
Standing in the spotlight
As I was just staring at you
From afar
From a safe distance
That was probably the first time I really saw you
So clearly like in my dreams, except that I was awake
And I think that was the first time I realized that I love you
I love everything about you
I see you as perfect even though you’re not
And I see beauty in you, even though others may not see it
And I also realized that I’m probably in love with you
And I’m just not sure.

But, if someone asks me if I’m in love with you, I think I would say yes
And if they ask me why, then I wouldn’t know what to say
I would be left speechless
Maybe that’s enough of an answer to really know that I am actually in love with you.

I realized that I have trust issues
When people kept disappointing me time after time
But doesn’t everyone have trust issues?
Everyone would start trusting more if people were reliable.

You are alone
I am alone.

But, why can’t we be alone together?
Oh, I know…
Because we are both afraid
Afraid of what might happen if we were alone
Just the two of us.

We might fall in love and say “I love you” out loud.

Summer is almost here
It’s been a whole year
Since you’ve been here
On my mind
From day to night.

The wind reminds me of last summer as it hits my face in every direction
The sun blazing,
Burning (cold hearts)
Fragile skin
Reminds me of you
The full-bloomed trees, a mess of green, reminds me of the tiny speck of green found in your brown eyes
The smell of old air conditioners brings back a flood of memories
That I can’t forget
How could I forget,
You.

As summer nears, and the year comes to an end, I can’t help thinking how things won’t be the same
Like last year
Like last summer
I can’t help but wonder how much I’ll miss you once you leave
And probably forget me
And eventually I’ll forget you
Even though I don’t want to
But I know I’ll be reminded of you
Everytime I listen to our songs, eat your favorite food, hear your name from a stranger’s mouth and everytime summer comes,
Because you’re everywhere when summer arrives.

I hope you won’t forget me, because I know it will be very hard for me to forget you.